Why AVALANCHE Hates Stuff
by TeaFlower
Summary: An explanation of why AVALANCHE hates certain things, such as burger, marshmallow, and things of the like. On hiatus until someone gives me ideas.
1. Chapter 1: Hamburger

TeaFlower Presents… for some unknown reason…

**WHY AVALANCHE HATES…**

The Disclaimer of RANDOM: Final Fantasy 7 doesn't belong to me.

Author's Notes: Yo! I'm TeaFlower, a Sonic/Pokemon/Final Fantasy 7 fan. I've got two other fanfics going right now, one of which is done, the other is… well… not done. Anyway, I HAD to write this because I thought of something TOTALLY random that could be turned into a series. Have fun, enjoy the story, and don't expect an update soon! Oh, and ONE thing: EVERYONE is out of character (save Yuffie) and Cait Sith blows up.

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Episode 1: … Hamburger

It was a bright and sunny day. Cloud was deep in his lab, doing something. He said that one of the things he was doing was something he was hoping of doing when he got the chance and the other "will benefit every person with spiky hair or people who want spiky hair." Vincent had just come in from being outside, and Yuffie was holding a book.

Yuffie ran up to Vincent. "Vinnie!" she yelled, "Lookie what I found!" She held up the book. "It's shiny."

Vincent raised an eyebrow. "Um… Yuffie, do you know whose book that is?" he asked.

Yuffie shook her head and opened it. "It smells like dog. And there are PICTURES in there."

Vincent snatched the book from Yuffie. He looked in it and said, "That's MINE, Yuffie. Did you go in my room again?" He walked off.

Yuffie blinked. _Vincent doesn't smell like dog…_ she thought, _so why does his photo album?_ "I must ask Cloud! Cloud knows EVERYTHING!" With that, Yuffie skipped off towards the lab.

* * *

Cloud mixed two chemicals together. Something bubbled. He laughed. Yuffie slowly came down the stairs as he held up what he created.

"At long last!" he cried, inspecting his creation. "I FINALLY fixed Mr. Quackquack!" Yes, Cloud was holding a spiky-haired rubber duck. "Yay, Mr. Quackquack!" Yuffie sighed and ran up to him. She bumped into him, making him drop the duck.

"Cloud!" she yelled in his ear. Cloud rubbed his ear and picked up Mr. Quackquack. "Why does Vinnie's photo album smell like dog?"

Cloud sighed. "I don't know, Yuffie… ask Tifa… just LEAVE ME ALONE AND GET OUT OF MY LAB!" Yuffie fled before he pulled out a sword.

* * *

Tifa jumped up and started punching something. She kicked it away. Barret started shooting at it as it went towards Cid, who sliced it up into little pieces using his spear.

Tifa landed as she yelled, "Beef, tenderized!"

Barret chuckled. "Meat, spicified!

Cid sighed. "Hamburger, sliced."

Yes, they were making burgers. But this is AVALANCHE! We gotta make it FANCY! In case you were wondering, Barret put spice mixes in his gun turrets instead of bullets. He was fixing this now. Tifa jumped up. "Alright! Let's get these burgers on the grill!" She picked up the burgers and went towards the indoor grill.

That's when Yuffie came in.

Yuffie slammed into Tifa. Hard. The burgers flew off the plate. "MY BURGERS!" Tifa yelled. The burgers hit Cid's shoulder. He blinked, then threw them towards the grill. But Barret was right there, so they hit him and became one big mass of burger. Barret blinked, then threw the burger mass at Yuffie. It hit her head. She picked it up and threw it away.

Red XIII curled up for a nap. That's when the burger hit him. He blinked. Then he shook it off. It hit Cait Sith, who immediately exploded. The explosion caused the burger to fly towards… Vincent's room.

"Oh… CRAP." Barret said.

Vincent was reading some book. And then the burger hit him. He blinked, then looked around for who threw it. Of course, no one was there, so he threw the burger out the door.

The burger bounced off a wall, off a banister, off a light, and into the lab.

"… I'm gonna go get more burger…" Tifa sighed.

Yuffie looked down into the lab and said, "When that burger comes outa there, it ain't gonna be burger no more!"

* * *

Cloud started laughing maniacally. "Finally… FINALLY!" He held up his creation.

"Hair gel that can't be burned, electrocuted, or affected by any OTHER element! I'll be RICH!" He shuffled over to a pedestal. "This thing is super unstable, so it needs to stabilize. Until then, it'll be safe right here."

Cloud was just about to put the gel case down when the burger came flying in. It hit Cloud square in the hands.

And the gel blew up.

I'm not kidding when I say this, but that stuff must have been more unstable than a broken atom! That explosion was SO big, it could be seen from Round Island! And take note this was on the Western Continent in Nibelheim! It made a mushroom cloud like the ones you see in cartoons.

The burger rolled out of the lab, charred and looking like a cookie. Yuffie blinked, then said, "Told ya so!"

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_---It was random, I know. But that's the point of my writing! I hope you like this story! Well, not story. Just saying why AVALANCHE hates things.---_


	2. Chapter 2: Marshmallows

**Why AVALANCHE Hates…**

**By TeaFlower**

**The Disclaimer of HILLARIOUSNESS: Final Fantasy 7 doesn't belong to me. I'd like to thank EVERYONE who reviewed! Someone even called this a work of art! Sweet! I'll work on this as much as I can, for on the 21st, I have to work on another story. You see, I messed up, and I asked my audience if they wanted me to change it. I gave them till the 21st to tell me. But I'll try my best. If you want to see AVALANCHE explain why they hate things, tell me via review/private message!

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Episode 2: … Marshmallows

After the whole hamburger incident, Cloud refused to by hamburger in any shape or form. And because their house had been exploded, both Cloud AND Cid were reasonably pissed. Cid more-so than Cloud.

"CLOUD YOU –beep-ING –beep-HEAD! MY –beep-ING HIGHWIND WAS IN THERE! HOW THE –beep- CAN YOU MAKE A HOUSE BLOW UP WITH SOME –beep-ING HAIR GEL?" Cid ranted.

"WELL MAYBE IF SOME OF US DIDN'T MAKE HAMBURGER FLY INTO LABS FULL OF UNSTABLE CHEMICALS!" Cloud yelled back. This went on for quite some time, until Tifa intervened.

"Guys, we should figure out what we should do now." She said. "We have nowhere to go here. No one is going to let a man with a gun for an arm, a man who turns into monsters when he gets REALLY angry, a ninja who has been known to steal entire materia collections, a talking dog… cat… thing, and a man with a sword that can easily cleave almost anything in two! We need to get to Costa del Sol."

Cid turned to her. "How we gonna get there? The Highwind's totally destroyed!"

"We walk." Tifa replied.

* * *

As the team walked toward Costa del Sol, everyone grew weary. It was a long walk and it would have been shorter had they had Chocobos. But the Chocobos they had that were trained for this stuff were all the way on the eastern continent and there weren't Chocobo tracks for MILES!

Cloud sighed. "We have to make camp now…" Everyone went about setting up camp. Yuffie started a fire. She pulled out 7 sticks and gave one to everyone, save Cait Sith.

"Hey!" he said. "Why don't I get a stick?"

Vincent turned to him and said, "You're gonna blow up, anyways."

"Oh."

Cloud pulled out some marshmallows. "Don't this remind you of the time Barret dressed up like a sailor?" he said, holding one up while breaking off pieces of his stick and poking them into it, making it look like Barret. Barret growled. Everyone save Cait Sith, Cid, and Vincent laughed.

"I don't get it." They said in unison.

Soon, everyone was toasting marshmallows. Yuffie stuck hers IN the fire instead of just over it. Naturally, it caught fire. Panicking, she blew on it. It flew off the stick and hit Cloud's hair.

That caught fire, too.

"AAAAAAAAAH!" he screamed. "IT BURNS!" Cloud ran around in circles. He stopped, dropped to the ground, and rolled around. His hair hit the grass, which caught fire, too. The fire caused Cait Sith to blow up.

Everyone screamed. Tifa summoned Leviathan, who got everyone soaked. At least the fire got out. Cloud blinked, then sighed, then went into a tent. Red XIII tried to follow him, but his tail nearly got sliced off. Soon, everyone heard Cloud's muffled screams as he screamed into a pillow.

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_---Flaming marshmallows of DOOM! Anyway, read, review, and keep tuned in!---_


	3. Chapter 3: Emerald WEAPON

**Why AVALANCHE Hates…**

**By TeaFlower**

**Disclaimer: I ran out of words to describe what happens in this episode. Ah, well… Final Fantasy doesn't belong to me. As you can tell from what happens to Cait Sith, I hate him. I never liked that cat. So, if you're a Cait Sith fan, STAY AWAY from this fanfic. Okay? Okay.

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**

Episode 3: … Emerald Weapon

Cloud, Tifa, and Vincent were somewhere deep in the sea. Cloud was piloting the ship, as usual, and Tifa and Vincent were doing something else.

That's when Cloud noticed this big green thing swimming through the ocean. To describe it, think of a person. Okay? Now, make this person green and REALLY big. Okay? Now, give this person hair. This hair has been REALLY gelled so that it goes straight down and into a little triangle. Now, make the arms and legs of this person REALLY thick. Got that? Good. Next, make the shoulders REALLY big. Finally, put a jewel right in the middle of this person's chest and make this person highly metallic. Now, we have this big green thing!

Anyway, Cloud was naturally curious. Steering the sub towards the thing, he was intent on ramming it. The sudden turn caused Tifa to fall over onto a big red button and Vincent to almost fall into some gears.

"Cloud!" Vincent yelled at Cloud, "What do you think you're doing, trying to get us killed?"

"Um…" Cloud thought for a minute. "… no…"

Soon, they rammed into the big green thing. It turned, then yelled. Well, growled. Cloud squeaked. "Um, guys? I think we should go kill that thing." With that, he ran out of the sub.

"Seriously, Tifa, how did you guys get me into this?" Vincent asked. Tifa shrugged.

* * *

The battle raged on. Cloud slashed. Tifa punched. Vincent shot. Until the head part of the creature came detached and went right over them. Cloud blinked, then this big ray came down on them. It BURNED them. Cloud and Tifa fell to the ground, but Vincent managed to get away.

After the two got up, Vincent told them what happened. "Ugh…" Cloud growled. "I think I'm going to call that move… Aire Tam Storm. I don't know why, though."

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_---I'm sorry for the long update. Other stories, you know the deal. Anyway, I MEAN IT, GIVE ME IDEAS, PEOPLE!---_


End file.
